The Abundance Mindset Shift No One Is Talking About

For every woman who has tried everything and still feels like abundance is just out of reach

In This Article

You’ve been doing it all, so why isn’t it working?

You made the vision board. You said the affirmations — every morning, for years. You listened to the podcasts, read the books, followed the accounts. You really believed. Maybe you still do.

And yet.

The life you pictured on that board still feels far away. The abundance you’ve been calling in hasn’t shown up in any way you can point to. And somewhere in the quiet — usually late at night when you’re being honest with yourself — a question creeps in:

“Am I doing something wrong? Or is none of this actually real?”

If that question sounds familiar, this article is for you.

You are not doing it wrong. And the practices you’ve been using — visualization, affirmation, intention-setting — are not lies. But there is something missing from the way most of the personal development world teaches abundance. And until that piece is in place, no amount of vision boards will move the needle.

Today we’re going to talk about what that missing piece actually is.

The Better You Show Episode 22

Watch the full conversation that inspired this article — four coaches and a counsellor on what abundance actually is and why the way most of us have been taught to pursue it keeps us stuck.

The problem with how we have been taught to chase abundance

The personal development world has words it loves: Manifest. Attract. Call in. Visualize. The message, repeated in a thousand different ways, is this: if you want abundance, you have to go get it. Chase it hard enough, believe in it strongly enough, and it will come.

But here is what nobody tells you about chasing: the chase itself is the problem.

When you are always chasing something, you are living from a place of lack. You are sending a signal — to yourself, to your nervous system, to every decision you make — that what you want is not here yet. That you are not yet there. That you are still waiting.

Research on wellbeing and goal pursuit consistently shows that how we pursue our goals matters as much as what we pursue. People who pursue goals out of genuine alignment with their values — rather than out of pressure, comparison, or a feeling of not being enough — report significantly higher levels of life satisfaction, even before they reach the goal.

That last part is important. Even before they reach the goal¹.

Because abundance is not a destination. It is not a thing you finally arrive at when the money comes or the dream is realized. It is a way of being that starts now — or it doesn’t start at all.

“It is not about chasing. It is about choosing.” — Abundance Coach Sarah

Choosing abundance means deciding — today, with what you have right now — that your life has value. That you are enough. That joy is not something you have to earn. That you can live in alignment with your values right now, not after the vision board comes true.

This is not a passive idea. It is one of the most active things you can do. And it is completely different from what most of the abundance industry is selling.

What abundance actually is — and what it has nothing to do with

Ask most people what abundance looks like and they will describe money. A certain number in the bank. A house. A car. Financial freedom.

That connection between abundance and money is so deeply wired in most of us that we don’t even question it. But it is worth questioning — because the science of happiness tells a very different story.

Research consistently shows that beyond having enough for basic needs and security, additional income has a surprisingly small effect on how people feel day to day. What matters far more for genuine wellbeing is the presence of meaning, strong relationships, and a sense that your life reflects who you actually are².

You can have an abundance of joy. An abundance of health. An abundance of friendship, community, and safety. An abundance of time for the things that matter. None of those require a particular number in your bank account.

Money is a tool. A real and useful one. But it is only as good as what you use it for. And chasing it as though it is the definition of abundance — as though enough money will finally make you feel like you have made it — is one of the most common ways people spend years working toward a life that still doesn’t feel like home when they get there.

“Your abundance is in you. It is not something external.” — Abundance Coach Sarah

True abundance is what happens when the life you are living is aligned with what genuinely matters to you. Your values. Your purpose. The kind of person you want to be and the kind of impact you want to have. When those things are in place, that is an abundant life — regardless of what is in your bank account.

Why the affirmations and vision boards haven’t worked… Yet

Here is the part that most abundance teachers skip over. And it is the part that explains why so many sincere, hopeful, hard-working women have spent years doing the practices and still feel like nothing has changed.

Affirmations and visualization work at the level of conscious thought. You write the words. You picture the life. You say the things you want to believe.

But most of what drives your behaviour, your feelings, and your choices happens beneath that level — in patterns that were set long before you ever picked up a self-help book.

You may have grown up in a home where money was tight and stress was high. Where wanting things felt selfish. Where good things didn’t last. Where you had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously. Where love had conditions. Where rest felt wrong.

None of those things are your fault. But they became your baseline. They’re the invisible operating system running quietly underneath everything you do. And when the conscious mind says ‘I am abundant’ while the deeper pattern says ‘people like me don’t get to have that,’ the deeper pattern wins. Every time.

This is why the vision board hasn’t worked yet. Not because you didn’t believe enough. Not because you did it wrong. But because the picture on the board and the story running underneath haven’t been brought into alignment.

That alignment is the real work. And it is very possible — but it is different work than most people have been doing.

How to start doing the work that actually changes things

The good news is that the patterns underneath can be changed. Here is a simple, honest process for beginning.

1. Notice what you actually believe.

Not what you want to believe — what you actually believe, in your gut, when you are tired or scared or things aren’t going your way. What do you believe about whether you deserve good things? About whether people like you get to have what they want? About what happens when things go well? Journaling is one of the most effective tools here. Write without editing yourself and see what comes up.

2. Find where that belief came from.

Most of our deepest beliefs about worth, money, and what we deserve were formed in childhood — from what we watched, heard, and experienced before we had the ability to question any of it. When you can see where a belief came from, it starts to lose its grip. It was never a fact. It was just a conclusion a younger version of you drew from a limited set of experiences.

3. Introduce a belief that feels even slightly more true.

This is not about forcing yourself to feel positive. It is about finding a version of the story that is genuinely more accurate. Something like: ‘I am learning that I am allowed to receive good things’ or ‘It is possible that things can get easier.’ Small shifts in belief, held consistently, create real change over time.

4. Take one action that matches the new belief.

Every time you act in a way that reflects the life you want — however small — you are building evidence that the new story is real. Then celebrate it to reinforce this action and belief neurologically. The gap between what you believe and what you do is where real change lives.

5. Practice receiving.

This one surprises people. But one of the biggest blocks to abundance is the inability to actually let good things in — to receive a compliment, accept help, rest without guilt, or let kindness land without immediately deflecting it. Receiving is a skill. It requires practice. Start small and notice the resistance when it comes up — that resistance is information.

The block nobody talks about: why receiving feels so hard

Most abundance conversations focus on attracting and manifesting — on pulling things toward you. Very few talk about what happens when good things actually arrive.

For many women, receiving is genuinely difficult. Not just uncomfortable — genuinely hard. And the reason goes deeper than mindset.

For generations, women have been socialized into roles centred on giving, caring, and proving their worth through effort and sacrifice. The message — absorbed through culture, family, and experience long before it could be consciously questioned — is that worth must be earned.³

When that is your foundation, receiving without earning first feels wrong. It can feel selfish. Undeserved. Even unsafe.

So even when good things come — a kind word, an unexpected opportunity, a moment of ease — there is a part of you that doesn’t trust it. That waits for the catch. That deflects the compliment or minimizes the gift or immediately starts thinking about how to pay it back.

“We become distrustful of anything we didn’t work really hard for, because that wasn’t the value we were taught.” — Counsellor Shelley

This is not a character flaw. It is a learned response. And like any learned response, it can be unlearned.

The practice of receiving starts very small. It might be letting a compliment land without saying ‘oh, it’s nothing.’ It might be accepting help when someone offers instead of insisting you’re fine. It might be sitting with a moment of joy without immediately waiting for it to end.

Each of those small moments is a message to the part of you that learned it wasn’t safe to receive: things can be different now. You are allowed to let good things in.

“Abundance can be friendship, community, and safety.” — Coach Shelley

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What it means to believe you deserve good things

Worthiness is at the centre of almost every abundance block. Not confidence. Not strategy. Worthiness.

The belief — often unspoken, often unconscious — that other people get to have the good things, but you are somehow the exception. That you haven’t done enough yet. That you need to be further along before you are allowed to feel fulfilled.

Research in the field of self-determination theory shows that people who feel they are living from genuine choice — pursuing what matters to them because they want to, not because they feel they have to — consistently report higher wellbeing, more meaning, and greater life satisfaction.⁴

That sense of agency — of choosing your life rather than being pushed through it — is one of the most powerful things you can cultivate. And it starts with the belief that you are allowed to have it.

This belief does not arrive all at once. It is built slowly, through small acts of choosing.

• Choosing to rest before you have earned it.
• Choosing to say yes to something that is just for you.
• Choosing joy not as a reward but as a way of being.

Each choice is a vote for a new belief: that you are worthy of the life you want. Not someday. Now.

What abundance looks like when it is actually working

When the inside work starts to take hold, abundance stops being a destination and starts being a feeling you carry with you.

It does not always look dramatic. It often looks quiet. Like moving through your day with less resistance. Like feeling more satisfied with what is actually here. Like being able to receive a kind word without deflecting it. Like resting without guilt.

It looks like living a life that feels genuinely yours — not the life you built to prove something, or the life that looks good from the outside, or the life you thought you were supposed to want.

The woman who leads an abundant life is not necessarily the wealthiest woman in the room. She is the most intentional. She knows what matters to her, she lives in a way that reflects that, and she measures her life by her own standards — not by comparison to anyone else’s.

That is available to you. It does not require you to have it all figured out first. It just requires you to start choosing — one small, honest choice at a time.

“If you can live that life, that is living an abundant life.” — Abundance Coach Sarah

How to take the next step

If something in this article has landed for you — if you recognized yourself somewhere in these words — that feeling is worth paying attention to.

You do not have to do this alone. In fact, trying to do it alone is often what keeps people stuck. Because the patterns we are talking about live beneath conscious thought, and they are much harder to see clearly from the inside.

A coach does not add more to your to-do list. A good coach helps you understand what has been quietly running the show — and helps you rewrite it, in a way that finally sticks.

The bottom line

You have not been doing it wrong. You have been doing what you were taught — and what most of the abundance world keeps teaching, without ever addressing the part that actually matters.

The vision board is not the problem. The affirmations are not the problem. The problem is what is running underneath them — the old beliefs about what you deserve, what is safe, and what is possible for someone like you.

That is the work. And it is not a quick fix or a new technique. It is honest, inside-out change. It is learning to choose instead of chase. Learning to receive instead of deflect. Learning to believe — slowly, with evidence — that you are worthy of the life you have been trying to build.

That is what abundance actually is. And it is closer than you think.

Keep choosing.

About the Coaches

This article draws on a real conversation between the BetterYou.coach team — a coaching network dedicated to helping women thrive as their version of a better self.

• Coach Doris (Host): Known as the Chaos Calmer, Coach Doris Efford is a Life Alignment Coach at BetterYou.coach, helping busy women create order, calm, and clarity in their lives——one phase-at-a-time.
• Counsellor Shelley: Shelley McInroy is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor (RTC, ACCT) and Mental Wellness Coach at BetterYou.coach, offering a gentle, trauma-informed space to support women through anxiety, grief, burnout, and life transitions.
• Coach Tiffany: Tiffany Bayne (CLC, CHT, RSW) is a Mindset Coach and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist at BetterYou.coach who helps women break through self-doubt and limiting belief blocks.
• Coach Joyce: Is known as the Happiness Igniter — a Happiness and Harmony Coach, Joyce Erickson helps women rediscover joy, rebuild presence, and bring lightness back into their everyday lives.
• Coach Sarah: is BetterYou.coach’s Transformational Leadership Coach. Sarah Rajkumar helps women step boldly into leadership and build businesses aligned with their purpose — through her signature Leadership with Love™ method.

References

1. Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482–497. This study found that pursuing goals aligned with personal values — rather than external pressure or comparison — predicted significantly higher wellbeing over time, independent of whether the goal was reached. ↩︎
2. Kahneman, D., & Deaton, A. (2010). High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(38), 16489–16493. Note: Subsequent research by Killingsworth (2021) has added nuance to this finding. The consistent finding across studies is that meaning, relationships, and alignment with values predict day-to-day wellbeing more reliably than income beyond a threshold of basic security. ↩︎
3. Hochschild, A. R. (1989). The Second Shift: Working Families and the Revolution at Home. Viking. Foundational sociological research documenting the cultural expectation that women carry the primary burden of care and domestic labour, and the identity consequences of that expectation. ↩︎
4. Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. One of the most cited papers in wellbeing research, establishing that autonomy — the sense of living from genuine choice — is a foundational human need and a consistent predictor of life satisfaction and meaning. ↩︎

Disclaimer

BetterYou.coach is a coaching network that matches people with their next right coach. We believe you’re not broken, you’re just human. And sometimes humans need support to thrive.
The Better You Show and any content posted by BetterYou.coach, Doris Efford, and/or any agents of BetterYou.coach is presented solely for general informational, educational, and  entertainment purposes. The use of information from the aforementioned sources or materials linked is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of any professional and/or individualized advice. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining professional advice for their individual condition or situation.

For personalized coaching, contact BetterYou.coach