Episode 0003 — The Better You Show
In This Article
- Step 1: See the Invisible Load
- Step 2: Anchor Your Season in Intention
- Step 3: Use the “4-D Framework” to Release the Pressure
- Step 4: Trade Expectation for Appreciation
- Step 5: Choose Peace Over Performance
- Keep Going: Find Your Better You
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You try to make the holidays perfect.
The food. The memories. The people.
And still—when the big day comes—you feel empty, exhausted, and maybe a little unseen.
You’re not a bad person. You’re not failing. You’re just carrying too much invisible work.
The lists in your head. The emotions you hold for everyone else. The guilt that whispers you could have done more.
It’s time to put some of that down.
Step 1: See the Invisible Load
The first step to change is acknowledging ALL the work.
Invisible work hides inside questions like:
- “Did I remember everyone’s favorite dish?”
- “Will they still love it if it’s not perfect?”
- “If I don’t do it, who will?”
Write it all down. Brain dump it all. Every mental task, every worry, every expectation.
Then look at that list and say out loud:
“No wonder I’m tired.”
That simple moment of truth is powerful. It moves the weight from inside you to in front of you—and once it’s visible, you can change it.
Step 2: Anchor Your Season in Intention
Before you pick up the next decoration or plan the next meal, take 60 seconds and ask yourself:
“What do I want to feel when this season ends?”
Peaceful? Proud? Present?
“What is the most important outcome of this season?”
Memories? Laughter? Gathering?
Write those words across the top of your list that you’ve just created. Let these words guide every yes and no during this process as well as through all the holidays.
Redefine your expectations to align with those words at the top. Remember, you matter too. Your family loves you and they don’t want you to wear yourself out. They want to SHARE these holidays with you, not be your slave owner.
Step 3: Use the “4-D Framework” to Release the Pressure
Here’s a BetterYou.coach framework for cutting the overwhelm fast. Take the list you’ve created and revise it according to the 4-D’s.
- Drop it — Some things simply don’t belong this year.
If it doesn’t fit with the words at the top, with your redefined expectation, then it doesn’t fit. Period. Cross it out.- Traditions can evolve.
- A store-bought pie still counts as love.
- Delegate it — Let others help.
Many of the people coming over want to help but don’t know how. Help them to help you by informing them what they can bring or do. Some of the people you’re creating for need the experience of some of these tasks—give them that gift.
Highlight in a certain color or star the tasks that doesn’t HAVE to be done by you.- When you delegate, you’re not losing control—you’re building connection.
- Say, “I believe in you. Can you take this one?”
- Don’t forget automation and delivery services here.
- Delay it — Of what’s left, decide what needs to be done right away and what can be scheduled for later. Make the decision once and be okay with it.
Highlight tasks that can be delayed in a different color or underline them with a date attached. Put them in you calendar.- Does the stuff for New Years need to be done before Thanksgiving?
- Organizing this reduces the overwhelm of “all the things”
- Do it — Only what truly matters to you. Only what fits with your words and expectation. Circle these and get started.
- Ask: “Will this add joy or just polish?”
- If it’s only for show, skip it.
BONUS D — DELIGHT
Let’s face it, sometimes there are things left that don’t inspire joy but they are integral and you’re the only one who could do them…How can you DELIGHT in them?
- Reframe your mindset: How can these be a blessing, not a curse?
- Can you pair it with something you enjoy?
- What is something that helps every task more fun? (think music, podcasts, dancing, kitchen party, etc.)
Step 4: Trade Expectation for Appreciation
Perfection whispers, “If I do everything right, no one will be disappointed.”
But perfection is a moving target.
Gratitude is stable.
When you catch yourself thinking, “I should,” switch it to “I get to.”
- “I get to make dinner for people I love.”
- “I get to rest when I’m done.”
- “I get to choose what matters this year.”
It’s okay if your first thought is not always positive. It’s what you do with your next thought that matters. Appreciation softens every edge of the season. It turns obligation into connection and anxiety into peace.
Step 5: Choose Peace Over Performance
“I’m choosing peace—over perfection, over polish, over everything.”
— Coach Sarah
Let’s be honest. The hardest part isn’t doing less—it’s letting go of how doing less looks.
You’ve been taught that a good woman, a good mother, a good friend keeps it all together.
But peace doesn’t come from control. It comes from courage.
Say this out loud:
“I don’t need to earn rest. It’s allowed and required.”
This is the tough love part.
If you’re constantly running on empty, no one gets your best.
When you rest, when you set boundaries, you teach everyone around you that joy is sustainable.
That’s leadership.
That’s love in motion.
Because the goal isn’t to do it all—it’s to feel alive while you do what matters.
Keep Going: Find Your Better You
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Take the BetterYou Matchmaker Quiz to find the coach who can help you create balance, boundaries, and a rhythm that actually feels good.
(If this message speaks to your heart, our coaches unpack these exact shifts in Episode 3 of The Better You Show — “Invisible Work: How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays You Work So Hard to Create.”)
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Each Wednesday, we share one story, one mindset shift, and one gentle tool to help you live your version of better you.
Disclaimer
The information in this article and in The Better You Show is for educational and inspirational purposes only. It does not replace medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. For personal guidance, always consult a qualified professional.
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