The Real Reason Affirmations Don’t Work (It’s Not What You Think!)

By: Doris Efford, BetterYou.coach

In This Article

• You’ve been saying all the right words…
• The Brain Doesn’t Do Magic — It Does Filters
• Why Nothing Changes Until You Act
• The Three Tools That Make Affirmations Actually Work
• Generic Tools Work… Until They Don’t
• So, Why Don’t Affirmations Work?
• References & Further Reading

You’ve been saying all the right words…

You’ve taped them to your mirror.
You’ve repeated them in traffic.
You’ve even whispered them into your latte foam.

“I am confident. I am successful. I am calm.”

And yet… nothing really changes.
You still feel behind, a little frazzled, and maybe even guilty for not being “fixed” yet.

Before you throw away your sticky notes — take a breath.
Affirmations can work.
They just don’t work alone.

The Brain Doesn’t Do Magic — It Does Filters

Inside your brain is a clever little system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS).
Think of it as your personal search engine.

Every second, your senses take in millions of bits of data — but your RAS decides which ones you actually notice.

When you start repeating “I am confident,” your brain quietly starts scanning the world for evidence that supports it…and often the first thought is, “No you’re not.” or “Pft…who are you kidding?”
Then, you notice the coworker who listened, the small risk you took, the posture shift that felt right.

That’s real neuroscience, not wishful thinking.

Most experts explain it with the analogy of wanting to buy a blue car. Suddenly it seems like there are blue cars everywhere. It’s not that magically more blue cars have appeared, it’s just that now that your brain knows it’s important to you, it’ll show it to you more—make you more aware.

But here’s the catch:
your RAS can only show you the open doors.
It can’t make you walk through them.

Why Nothing Changes Until You Act

You can read all the books, say all the right words, and still wake up weeks later and nothing is different.

Awareness happens in your head; action happens in your life.

That’s where most people get stuck.
They confuse recognizing the problem with resolving it.
They feel motivated for a moment… and then drift back into the same loops.

It’s like programming your GPS perfectly but never leaving the driveway.

At BetterYou.coach, we see it all the time.
People aren’t failing — they’re just trying to use the same old mindset, habits, and tools for a new iteration of their life.
Coaching bridges that gap between insight and implementation — between knowing better, having the right tools, and finally doing what works for you where you are right now.

The Three Tools That Make Affirmations Actually Work

1. Align – Affirm – Act

Align. Affirmations only stick when they line up with your real goals.
Before you say anything, ask:

“Whose voice is this goal — mine, or someone else’s?”
“Is this really something that I want?”
“Does this match my true values?”

If “No” then really consider what YOU truly want.

Affirm. When this goal becomes yours, then, affirm the identity, not the outcome.

Instead of “I am successful,” try “I make choices successful people make.”

Act. Finally, take one small proof step.
Send the message. Drink the water.

Show your brain you mean business. Choose something you can do/work on that is a habit/action that you would do if this affirmation had already come to pass. Do that thing while you are saying your affirmation.

THIS is powerful. It reinforces how important this is to you so that your RAS (the heightened problem solver) is looking for other opportunities to help you make this happen again.

2. The Evidence List

When your inner critic rolls its eyes, show it proof.
Write down three moments from this week that back up your affirmation.
Your brain believes its own receipts — not just your pep talks.

3. Focus Funnels

Not everything deserves your energy. As Dr. Daniel Amen (a double board certified psychiatrist) says, “Don’t believe every stupid thing your brain tells you.”
Before you spiral, ask:

• Is this thought useful?
• Is this task essential?
• Does this choice expand or drain me?

If it drains you, it’s background noise. Let it fade.

Generic Tools Work… Until They Don’t

Every list on the internet will tell you what to do.
Few help you figure out when, why, and if it’s the right move for you.

That’s the difference between self-help and coaching.

A good coach doesn’t hand you one more worksheet; they help you use the right strategy at the right time — so the change finally sticks.

That’s why we created the BetterYou Matchmaker Quiz. We wanted to make sure you got the coach that fits you, not the internet’s idea of you. It’s free, fast, and built with you in mind. No tricks, no pressure, just a chance to align with the better you.

So, Why Don’t Affirmations Work?

Because they were never meant to do the work — you were.
The words are the spark.
Action is the fuel.
You can’t cook without the two together.

When your beliefs and behaviors finally agree, everything changes.

So keep the mirror notes.
Just make sure you’re moving while you say them.

References & Further Reading

*A note from us: Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, we may receive a small thank-you commission — at no extra cost to you. We only share books and resources we truly believe can support your growth and well-being.

• Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits.
• Dispenza, J. (2014). You Are the Placebo.
• Wiest, B. (2020). The Mountain Is You.
• McKeown, G. (2014). Essentialism.